Vent
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i hate being a []
Dec 17, 2025
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1 min read
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I hate being a [] so fucking much. I’m trying to not say the t-slur anymore per someone’s advice, but it’s literally the only thing that feels appropriate to say to describe myself. Like I can’t bring myself to even say the word transgender without it being part of some joke at the word itself, or my exepense. The way it crawls out my throat and sloughs off my tongue disgusts me, unlike the slur which is sharp and hateful which i think is why i can tolerate using it but feel sick to my stomach at the mere thought of the other word. Also I can feel my sanity wavering at the first fucking slightest obstacle in existence. [] has to research progesterone, what happens next will shock you!
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optics nightmare
Nov 27, 2025
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1 min read
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I think i’m genuinely like an optics nightmare, like i’m a horrible insufferable person who’s too fucking retarded to hold down a job or fucking do anything i’m just a disgusting fucking perverted moid who serves no purpose and contributes nothing to society i probably should rope but i’m never going to because i’m too much of a fucking incompetent coward to even do the world a favor and fucking off myself i hate myself so fucking much
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holidays
Nov 27, 2025
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1 min read
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I used to love the holidays when i was younger. I used to really look forward to them, but now it just brings me no end of anxiety bc i’m going to have to interact with all my family who are kind enough to humor me but obviously see me as the disgusting moid that i am. any misgendering being completely accidental makes it worse, even, because if it was malicious then i could dismiss it as just a way to get under my skin, but when it’s on accident i know for a fact it’s because i look like and am a man. Also I think I may legitimately be retarded, like there is something fundamentally wrong with my brain that makes me incapable of behaving normally in any situation. Very consistently, I’ll get a little too comfortable and then say some weird tranny shit and ruin everything.This has happened so many fucking times.I’m so tired
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kicked out of therapy
Nov 24, 2025
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1 min read
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got kicked out of group therapy lmao
i hadn’t shared anything and didn’t have my camera on so they thought i might be a chud. All things considered, it was pretty polite how they kicked me out, but it still kinda sucks. What can you do ig. Not go to group therapy lmao
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tranny bangs
Nov 21, 2025
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1 min read
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i need tranny bangs to cover up mydisgusting moid browbone it’s so fucking over
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casual reminder
Nov 20, 2025
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1 min read
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>mtf tranny
>hanging out in a discord call
>random joke
>friend (drunk) says he’s glad we’re friends
>immediately follows it up with “i need more based trans people in my life”
i hate being a tranny so fucking much, literally can’t even fucking live a day in my life without being reminded that iwnbaw who even gives a shit about anything anymore. Like i felt happy for just a brief moment and then immediately everything was fucking ruined dude and i don’t even know how to bring it up to anyone without sounding like a disgusting fucking triggered troon bc that’s exactly what i am and i hate myself so fucking much dude jesus fucking christ
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i fucking hate endocrinologists
Nov 20, 2025
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2 min read
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Today I woke up at like noon and stayed in bed until around 1:30. Every time I look into anything relating to hrt or any other kind of drug that’s supposed to help i feel like i’m being psyopped. There’s a few annecdotal cases of pioglitazone helping with fat distribution, but it might also kill breast development and it maybe also has like a 50/50 shot of giving you bladder cancer if taken in high doses or for longer than a year. It’s also diabetes medication so I literally don’t know what to think about it other than it would probably help but it might also fuck me up worse than i already am. I’ve also concluded that due to the fact that a) i was basically anorexic for a while from around like month 6 to month 14 and b) i was hondosed into oblivion for like two years when i first switched to injections, I’m probably just fucked forever. I didn’t masculinize at all, thankfully, but I think I’m fucked otherwise. My metabolism’s fucked to the point where I can’t lose weight unless I’m starving myself and bc of all that any fat distribution will always be androgenic, so basically I’m just absolutely fucked forever. I’ll be a twinkhon until I get old enough to mature into a regular disgusting moid with a fat disgusting stomach and conetits. Endocrinologists are evil, literally you should always fucking assume your doctor is actively trying to kill you because otherwise they will. It’s so fucking over.
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lgs failure
Nov 20, 2025
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2 min read
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Went to a gamestore today and I thought the joke about them smelling bad was just a meme or like overblown, but it was legitimately heinous. I found this out after about three hours of trying to hype myself up to go into the room where everyone was playing the new league of legends tcg. Apparently this is a regular event and a poster on the counter said that it happens weekly at the same time and to ask the staff for details and they just told me what was on the poster so I didn’t actually really get any clarity on how to participate or anything like that. Also I need a deck to play and there are literally no decks available for purchase in any store near me or even online as far as i can tell.
So that was kind of a bust, but I ended up buying a ttrpg that was in a dvd case called soul cemetery so that’s cool. Comes with a cd I’m assuming has like a soundtrack on it or something, idk. So overall I spent more money than I should’ve, learned about a community for a game I can’t play, had my olfactory receptors assaulted, and in a large crowd of people at peak hours for the store at an event I saw maybe one person who might be gay. idk what i was expecting tbh, i shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up