| Reading | Listening to | Coping by |
|---|---|---|
| Nothing and slowly becoming illiterate | FUKOUNA GIRL - STOMACH BOOK | I need to get more catholic NOW |
read my depraved thoughts!
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malebrained or fembrained
Nov 16, 2025
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1 min read
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chat, is making a neocities website malebrained or fembrained
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this blog
Nov 15, 2025
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3 min read
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this is a blog i made because i have no community :)
i have no irl friends, i know very few other trans people, and the ones i do i can’t relate to at all. They’re all entirely normal with interests and friends and a life ahead of them and they go to school or they have real jobs and they don’t seem like the simple fact of being a tranny upsets them very much if at all.
Art by an @anonnette40524
recently i went to a support group. it was the only one of two i could find, and it was over zoom (because of course it was). i didn’t talk at all and just listened to these people talk about their problems and they seemed like normal people and they were even proud of being trans. “Trans people are strong as fuck” and all that. I don’t think that’s true in my case. I don’t think I’m particularly strong at all, and I think the only reason I haven’t roped is because i lucked out and ended up with good parents and a few good friends (online friends) early on. Also all of these people seemed to be in the very early stages of transitioning to the point where their struggles seemed almost entirely foreign to me. What do you say to someone who’s pre-everything? I don’t know anymore.
Maybe that’s telling of the kind of person I am more than anything else. Like I’m so deeply unempathetic that the mere notion of relating to someone I’m not in the exact same position as is alien to the point where i literally don’t know what to say. I’m also incredibly judgemental. Anytime i see someone i think looks clocky, that’s my first thought, and my second and third as well. I see them as clocky, I identify what the problem is, and then what they could do about it (if anything). I genuinely hate that I’m like this and I don’t know how to change. I tried going to therapy but every time i tried to tell my therapist even that i am trans and that it disgusts me, i felt physically sick to the point of a complete inability to communicate. And this group therapy support group thing, I can’t talk about this shit either because literally just expressing that shit is like a cognitohazard and it’s irresponsible of me to suggest that it doesn’t actually get better and that if anything it gets worse. But even that’s just me fucking larping. I’m so fucking agamp that i make myself suffer on purpose and i trick myself into thinking my life is worse than it is so i can pretend i’m a real tranny.I fucking hate myself so fucking much. I hate all trannies, most of all myself. I want to be different but I literally don’t know how and anytime I’ve expressed this in the past it’s alienated whoever i told it to to the point where they stop talking to me.
This is sort of my last shot, I guess. Just screaming into the void in the narcissistic hope that someone will see this and feel bad enough reading it that they send me a message for me to get disgustingly parasocial about.
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About me
Nov 15, 2025
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2 min read
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I’m V. I’m a 20-something year old tranny. People don’t usually like it when I use that word but it feels like the only one with enough venom behind it to accurately convey how disgusting it is. Here’s some more cool facts:
- i have no irl friends
- i will never be a woman
- i’m the sole cause of all of the problems in my life
- i use she/her pronouns <3
- i like programming (malebrained) and linux (agp cope)
I used to be normal, i used to be a person. I don’t know what happened. I wish I was different. i have no friends irl (not for lack of trying). i’m hardly know any other trans people and the ones i do i can’t relate to at all because they either have real problems or really buy into the whole trans pride rhetoric. I legitimately don’t understand having pride about being trans as anything other than a cope. I’m not strong or special, it’s only ever made my life worse. If I was cis 99% of my problems would disappear instantly. Though I suppose that’s only proof that none of my problems are real. All of my problems are my own fault for being a disgusting agp fetishist.
I think the worst part about this by far is being painfully aware of it but unable to do a single fucking thing about it. I know i’m a disgusting autogynephile but i can’t stop, things would be so much easier if i was an actual person but i don’t think that i am. Maybe i’m just saying that to deflect responsibility off of myself and claim that it’s just my nature and that there’s nothing at all i can do about it when in actuality i can and always have been able to stop and have just chosen not to at every opportunity because this is the life i actually always wanted.