read my depraved thoughts!

• i fucking hate umbrella academy Nov 20, 2025 - 10 min read -
  Unserious

  I just finished watching season four of the Umbrella Academy and jesus fucking christ what a shit fucking show pissed me off so fucking much. I stopped after season 3 bc I got so annoyed that literally every season is everyone just repeating the same exact fucking arcs and the characters’ personalities were not saving it for me anymore. So anyways like, fucking, hold on I need to make this like a read more bc I’m going to talk about this for a fucking while.

  Okay so spoilers for Umbrella Academy, obviously, but honestly I would literally recommend not watching it because it was such a fucking waste of like. idk how many episodes are there? And they’re all like 40 minutes to an hour? Four seasons, 10 episodes for the first three, 6 for the last one, so that’s like idk 36 episodes let’s say at like 50 minutes each. That’s like fucking… 1800 minutes, divide by 60 so that’s like 30 fucking hours of my goddamn life. Don’t watch this shitass fucking show.

  • Here’s how literally every fucking season of the umbrella academy works:
  • Luther and Viktor have daddy issues, Klaus is abusing substances, Diego is trying to be a cool detective guy, Allison is reduced to a stereotype who is auxiliary to the white characters
  • Five and Viktor are the only ones who do anything related to the plot
  • Klaus is put into the worst situations imaginable and no one gives a shit
  • Viktor gets distracted from the main plot bc he’s mad about his dad like they weren’t all abused like bro i get it it sucked but why are you pissed that you didn’t get groomed into a murderer as a child bro fucking get over it
  • B plot following the villains where stuff of consequence actually happens
  • Five sorta pursues main plot stuff then gets distracted aura farming
  • Viktor gets near plot stuff but then gets distracted because he sucks shit at fucking everything he fucking does i hate him so fucking much
  • World ends (they caused it)
  • Hard character arc reset
  • (Bonus!) Weird kinda-incest plot happens for no reason

  Like literally the only reason I watched this shitass show is because I kinda like the fuckass time travel shit Five’s always on, and the actor is really good and everyone’s acted pretty well for the most part and the characters’ personalities are compelling enough but when they just keep getting reset it just gets so fucking tiring and it ends up just like shit’s happening for no reason. Like I scrubbed most of season 3 from my mind because that whole fuckass hotel was so fucking stupid, and like what was even the point of half of the shit happening. Like 90% of this show is just generating dramatic irony for no reason or like, “hey wouldn’t it be funny if this happened?” like yeah i guess it’d be kinda weird if hargreves killed luther and klaus was in ghost hell but like idk what does that have to do with anything? Anyways I’m gonna talk about season 4 specifically for a while.

  So in season three, they get raptured from the 60’s into another timeline where the other magic children + Ben got turned into the sparrow academy instead of the umbrella academy and it’s like, “oh that’s kinda fun and tropey” and it’s like you’d think they’d be like interesting foils to the characters in some way, but not fucking really! They just made Ben an asshole and Luther fucks his not-sister again! Wow! Second time for him! Great show. Then there’s a fucking hotel and idek man like, i literally don’t remember when it becomes about the hotel and then they reset everything and everyone’s mad at Allison because she did it instead of ending the world bc Five was like, “we need to do this thing to stop the world from ending” and then- like idk i didn’t even understand any of what was going on at the time. Shitass season. They killed some kid from berlin for no reason also, idk. That’s actually another thing: like everyone in this show is like a crazy mass murderer but they never talk about that at all, like no one’s ever like, “hey man it’s kinda fucked up that our eccentric british alien dad made us kill people and now we don’t value the lives of others or our own” like no one fucking talks about that they just kill people but then the tone completely shifts from comic bullshit to serious drama bullshit and Viktor’s like, “my dad abused me…” LIKE YEAH. BUT BRO. YOU JUST KILLED TWELVE PEOPLE. OKAY???????? And like it’s always like a combat situation but it’s like, fucking, those were indoctrinated cultists and like they’re so opposed this whole season to killing Ben (a version of him who is NOT their brother, and is an asshole and who hates them) but everyone’s just killing everyone and doing crazy shit. Like Allison almost kills a guy in front of her daughter and that just doesn’t get brought up again???? Like hello??????? Ray should’ve taken that damn kid just like in season 1 holy shit.

  Anyways so fucking, they all hate each other and everyone’s estranged and doing their own shit and like, Luther is living in a condemned building but Lilah who’s a stay-at-home mom and Diego who’s an amazon delivery driver can afford a beautiful house in the suburbs and raise three children like?????? What????? Like they’re not even estranged they’re like some of the few who actually are still in contact with each other and like- idk. Like point is there’s just a lot going on and it’s post time skip and Lila and Diego are married with three children and also she has a family which is weird because I thought she was a time travel assassin whose parents were killed when she was a kid but idk maybe it got resolved sometime in season 3 or like end of season 2 i literally don’t know, it was so long ago. Also they’re all powerless and washed up except Five who’s a CIA agent who’s not suspicious AT ALL of his boss who’s OBVIOUSLY in on the fuckass apocalypse conspiracy. They fucking, decide to help some guy rescue his daughter. They have some superpower juice with them also, and they decide to have it be an all or nothing vote to see if they get their powers back or not, and Ben, who stole the bottle and could’ve just given himself his own powers, decides to make an executive decision for a bunch of assholes he ISN’T RELATED TO AND DOES NOT KNOW and who HE HATES. He decides to fucking make all of them superpowered again for no reason. Idk. Whatever. Who gives a shit about anything anymore.

  So fucking they’re all jerking off in some town and then everyone attacks them and it’s hargreves goons and they were all keeping this girl jennifer safe and literally if they just didn’t start shooting everyone then they wouldn’t have even fucking found jennifer, some fucking mcguffin girl who is NOT explained at all. Meanwhile the Keepers, Gene and Jean kidnap her because the chud academy brings her right to them so they can start the Cleanse (evil apocalypse to restore just one sacred timeline) and fucking whatever who cares. Gene and Jean eventually let her and Ben escape bc they’re in lesbians together and them fucking ends the world or whatever but they pretend like they don’t know that’s how it works for… idk. Anyways they fuck off and assemble the cultist goons meanwhile Five and Lila get trapped in a subway time prison for seven years and live in a gayass strawberry field and Five finds out how to get back but doesn’t immediately tell her (bro waited like five months like actually incel behavior, like I’d understand some hesitancy bc it sucks shit out there but like come on bro, she literally has a family and children that need her are you insane, think about more than just your dick bro) anyways that’s not as incesty as any of luther’s romances but he’s coveting his brother’s wife so i’m counting it as incident 2.5. While Allison and Klaus are indulging their problematic boundary-less relationship that neither of them have matured from across all four seasons of the show (even though it’s fucking explicitly pointed out) in some fucking Z plot that doesn’t matter at all. Also at the same time Diego and Luther also are like, “oh wow Five’s boss is in on it” but they don’t actually do anything and by the time they find out it literally doesn’t matter so everyone just goes to Lila and Diego’s house for christmas dinner except Viktor who’s on a roadtrip with his dad and trying to convince him he can use his gary stu powers to save ben AND the world (spoilers: he fucking can’t because he’s a piece of shit loser who can’t do anything right since he’s too busy whining about his daddy issues to ever just explain anything clearly).

  That’s actually another thing: no one in this fucking show ever just explains shit, they always gotta be vague for no reason. Like Viktor could’ve been like, “dude if i get the marigold out of you real quick I can stop you from becoming the blob and also you and your girlfriend can go back to fucking and everything can be fine, otherwise dad’s going to kill you” Like if he just said that he could’ve tried before it was too late. Like jesus christ. Also again the whole Klaus arc, he had all his character development hard reset in episode 3 because he decided like, “oh i have superpowers again, now I’m going to become a sex slave and smoke vodka” like what are we on about man, like he did that to cope with being haunted his whole life and that just isn’t a problem anymore bc he fucking self-actualized (kinda) in the last season but he’s just like abused for like two whole episodes for no reason. Idek, man. Whatever. Anyways point is they’re all at the end of the world and then Five goes back to his incel subway time dungeon because Lila broke up with him after he and diego got into a fight about it and he found a deli with a bunch of washed up versions of him just hanging out and he immediately decides like, “wow i should kill myself fr” and then he convinces everyone including lila (after she rescues their families by putting them in the fuckass time chamber) to just let the end of the world happen and then everything’ll be fine. Then there’s a fucking retvrn ass park where everyone’s happy because suicide is always the answer! Oh and then there’s a behind the scenes clipshow at the end of the half-length season.

  I’m literally not even going to talk about how Gene and Jean were literally completely inconsequential characters, and how Hargreves’s alien wife just like, is there and ends the world because. Like, look. This show. Is so shit. It had a decent opening, like post-timeskip, some of the characters had actually changed, and I was thinking, “wow… maybe they’ll actually finally self-actualize in this season, maybe Allison’s issues will be resolved for once in a way that doesn’t just make her into a racist stereotype of an angry black woman… wow I like this new Klaus thing, and wow all of this is really fun and interesting” then it all goes to shit immediately. I fucking hate this fuckass show. Besides like episodes 1 and 2 the only bit i liked was lila and five’s thing not because I thought it was particularly good (like it was kinda really stupid) but i got to autogynephilically project myself onto lila bc five is really fucking hot in season 4 but that doesn’t matter at all to the plot and it’s just a weird thing that happens for no reason. Idk. Whatever.

  Stupid fuckass show, shitass fucking season, shitass fucking show. Five was probably the only reason i ever watched this show even as a kid, very good actor, really fucking hot in s4, i’m really fucking agp, but i’m not going to rope about it bc that ending was so fucking stupid it convinced me more than i already was that suicide is never the answer.

• i fucking hate endocrinologists Nov 20, 2025 - 2 min read -
  Vent

  Today I woke up at like noon and stayed in bed until around 1:30. Every time I look into anything relating to hrt or any other kind of drug that’s supposed to help i feel like i’m being psyopped. There’s a few annecdotal cases of pioglitazone helping with fat distribution, but it might also kill breast development and it maybe also has like a 50/50 shot of giving you bladder cancer if taken in high doses or for longer than a year. It’s also diabetes medication so I literally don’t know what to think about it other than it would probably help but it might also fuck me up worse than i already am. I’ve also concluded that due to the fact that a) i was basically anorexic for a while from around like month 6 to month 14 and b) i was hondosed into oblivion for like two years when i first switched to injections, I’m probably just fucked forever. I didn’t masculinize at all, thankfully, but I think I’m fucked otherwise. My metabolism’s fucked to the point where I can’t lose weight unless I’m starving myself and bc of all that any fat distribution will always be androgenic, so basically I’m just absolutely fucked forever. I’ll be a twinkhon until I get old enough to mature into a regular disgusting moid with a fat disgusting stomach and conetits. Endocrinologists are evil, literally you should always fucking assume your doctor is actively trying to kill you because otherwise they will. It’s so fucking over.

• cisgender tranny Nov 20, 2025 - 1 min read -
  Unserious

  

  cisgender tranny, i hate her so much

  also mogs me

• lgs failure Nov 20, 2025 - 2 min read -
  Vent

  Went to a gamestore today and I thought the joke about them smelling bad was just a meme or like overblown, but it was legitimately heinous. I found this out after about three hours of trying to hype myself up to go into the room where everyone was playing the new league of legends tcg. Apparently this is a regular event and a poster on the counter said that it happens weekly at the same time and to ask the staff for details and they just told me what was on the poster so I didn’t actually really get any clarity on how to participate or anything like that. Also I need a deck to play and there are literally no decks available for purchase in any store near me or even online as far as i can tell.

  So that was kind of a bust, but I ended up buying a ttrpg that was in a dvd case called soul cemetery so that’s cool. Comes with a cd I’m assuming has like a soundtrack on it or something, idk. So overall I spent more money than I should’ve, learned about a community for a game I can’t play, had my olfactory receptors assaulted, and in a large crowd of people at peak hours for the store at an event I saw maybe one person who might be gay. idk what i was expecting tbh, i shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up

• i'll never be a mother Nov 18, 2025 - 1 min read -
  Vent

  I can’t even think of a joke or an agp deflection, I’m still thinking about how I’ll never be a mother. Anytime I think about that I’m devastated in a way I don’t know how to convey. I wish I was a real woman.

• maple pecan pie Nov 18, 2025 - 5 min read -
  Baking

  

  Maple Pecan Pie

  This is the second pie I’ve baked and it turned out really well. Better than the first one, which was also very good but the crust turned out too tough. I think I slightly over-floured the first crust, and also i used shortening, so it was a little hard to cut into, but it tasted good. This crust I used butter instead and I added in like somewhere between 1 and 2 tablespoons of sugar so it had a good amount of sweetness to it as well (about as sweet as bread, which is good bc the maple pecan filling was really sweet)

  You’ll need at least 1 mixing bowl (though I recommend 2), 1 fork, 1 knife, 1 whisk, a 9 inch pie tray, as well as measuring cups and spoons. A pastry cutter or stand mixer also helps but isn’t necessary. Also a rolling pin can help if you’re super concerned about the crust. Also you’ll need an oven, obviously.

  Single Crust Pie Pastry

  Store-bought is perfectly fine

  I’m recalling from memory so i might get some of the details wrong.

  Ingredients
  - 1 & 1/4 cups Flour
  - 1/4 teaspoons salt (if you don't have a 1/4 tsp, it's about half a chef's pinch, or like, a regular non-chef pinch)
  - 1/3 cups butter (cold; you can use shortening instead but it's not as good)
  - 1 & 1/2 tablespoons of sugar (I'm not sure the exact amount I used but I think it was more than - 1 tbsp and at most 2)
  - 5 tablespoons water 
  
  Directions
  1. Mix flour, salt, and sugar (i forgot to add the sugar until after the butter but i don't think it matters)
  2. Cut in the butter with a pastry cutter, or just mix it if you don't have one. Mix until it's in pea-sized clumps (This will take time, and if you don't have a pastry cutter but do have a stand mixer, i recommend using that. Also I don't imagine it'd really hurt if the butter was room temperature, as long as it's not melted. Also I recommend cutting the butter into smaller pieces so it's easier to process)
  3. With a fork, pour in a bit of the water one tablespoon at a time, and get the mixture wet. Try and pour the water on the dry bits only, by moving the wet bits off to the side. After the 5th teaspoon, everything should be nice and wet enough to roll into a ball. (Try anyways even if you don't think it's wet enough, you don't want to add too much water, but add more if necessary)
  4. Let the dough sit for 20 minutes (this is a good time to start on the pie filling)
  5. On a lightly floured surface, use your hands to stretch the ball of dough into a ~12 inch circle. (it just needs to be big enough to comfortably fit in the pie tray. Also be careful, too much flour and too much working may worsen the crust. If you used butter and let it rest for 20 minutes, this should be easy)
  6. Transfer the crust to the pan, being careful not to stretch it. (I roll it onto a rolling pin and then carefully unroll it onto the pan)
  7. Trim the edges or fold them in so that everything is comfortably inside the pan. You can style them however you want, if you want to be fancy about it. 
  

  Maple Pecan Pie Filling

  I used this recipe pictured below:

  

  1 hour cooling period is not optional. Pecan pie stores really well, as long as you cover it in the fridge. I personally baked mine I think a little too long, by like a few minutes. It was probably done at ~35 minutes at 375, but i let it go a little longer and some of the pecans on top got a little darker than I intended, but I honestly wasn’t mad at it in the end. Best served with whipped cream, I’d recommend something homemmade bc it’s easy (just mix heavy whipping cream and some sugar for a couple minutes) and you can get something a little less sweet than store bought whipped cream, that way it sorta balances out how sweet the pie filling is.

  Making the crust is the harder of the two parts, but it can be very rewarding if you do it. Though, it’s made much much easier with less clean-up if you just use a store-bought pie crust, and maybe cheaper too depending on how often you bake, cause I’ve never seen flour sold in anything less than a big bag. I’m planning on making some variation of pecan pie for thanksgiving as well as a really good coffee cake recipe I found about a month back. Both of those keep really well so I think it’ll be ideal since I can make it the day before and then not have to worry about making anything day-of before heading out. Maybe if i become good enough at baking, my uncle will stop misgendering me.

• vivarism Nov 17, 2025 - 4 min read -
  Vent

  

  yeah

  I had a good and surprisingly productive conversation with anonymousvoid earlier today, and because of it I think I’m going to try and visit a nearby gamestore tomorrow just to scope the place out. I’ve been there before to pick up a game or two, but never when there were really people around. They have a second room with tables for people to play at and everything, but I don’t know how that works really and all the events on their website are for mtg and card games idk how to play and i can’t afford to be into card games. Anyways I guess goal for tomorrow is just to do that if I have time, and maybe ask if people have open groups or run ttrpgs there or something. Idk.

  Now about that screenshot

  The above screengrab is an excerpt from neocities user vivarism, whose page i found by searching autogynephilia. This was probably not a good decision on my part, and I probably shouldn’t have read any of the stuff she has on her site but I did anyways. I sort of have a problem with that. About a month ago, my partner convinced me to stop going on 4tran and they described my habit of doomscrolling as a form of self harm. I don’t know if i’d go that far because i feel like that sort of diminishes people who engage in real, tangible self-harm but I guess that’s not really relevant to the subject at hand. Anyways point is, I read a couple short essays from vivarism and she identifies (or at least identified at the time of writing) as a misandrist and is a lesbian. I realized just a minute ago that there is a discrepancy here, and I think I’ll talk about that before getting on with dooming about my inability to get pregnant.

  

  This is a paragraph or two up from the first screenshot and it describes fairly viscerally her thoughts on pregnancy seemingly viewing it (at least in part) as a tool of patriarchal domination. I read this, and then after a few paragraphs I read the first screenshot and I think maybe my mind blanked out everthing before that because I immediately just latched onto that sentence, “but one thing he’ll never, ever, ever be is pregnant.” I don’t think I want to have kids (not that it matters anyways because I can’t) and knowing that I can hardly take care of myself, I know for certain I’d be a terrible parent. Despite this, the reason I locked onto this so immediately is because I think about this often and it makes me feel sick and hollow. I think this is because I’m AGP.

  This is similar to the concept of meta-attraction, I think. With meta-attraction, it’s the idea that an agp who claims to be attracted to men isn’t actually attracted to men, but is actually attracted to the idea of being with a man because it proves them to be a woman which is what actually gets them off. In this case, the idea of being a mother and raising a child (something only women can do) would prove that I am a woman, and that’s why I like the idea and somehow i’ve rooted it so deep in my mind that any time i think about raising a child it makes me cry.I’m sorry I’m probably not making sense right now, I’m tired and now i’m trying not to cry about the fact I’ll never get to raise a child or teach them how to read or watch them do everything for the first time and i was going to link this back to vivarism and how my agp got in the way of understanding her point that trans women can never be victimized as significantly as real women bc i got so distracted by the fact i can’t get pregnant but it’s too upsetting to the point where i can barely type or think at all so I think I’m going to call the post there

• important poll about fallout new vegas Nov 16, 2025 - 1 min read -
  Unserious

  

  Do you guys think mr house would know what agp is

  poll

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