| Reading | Listening to | Coping by |
|---|---|---|
| Her True Form - Melody Avant | FUKOUNA GIRL - STOMACH BOOK | I need to effortmax NOW |
read my depraved thoughts!
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vampire the masquerade
Feb 26, 2026
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1 min read
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vampire the masquerade is pretty cool i think the system is kinda shit but it’s at least better than shadowrun (low bar). i’m in a game that’s starting soon and i’m pretty excited about it and i hope it’ll go well and i’ll make some friends at least idk. it’s kind of inherently embarassing to do any sort of rp with strangers but i trust the gm and i trust his judgement in other people so idk
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annoying bitch that i hate
Feb 26, 2026
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2 min read
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i’m friends with my boyfriend’s friends, which is good because for the most part they’re great, but there’s this one fucker in the group who just irks me every time. I’m going to get irrationally hateful pretty much immediately here so like, if you’re not into that, don’t keep reading i guess.
So this agp skank used to date my bf before she stopped being meta-attracted and that whole situation was a whole fucking mess that honestly pisses me off a lot but my bf is fine with it so i’m not going to make a whole thing about it especially cause i wasn’t even there when all of it happened and blah blah blah but that’s just like point number one for why i already don’t like this bitch.
Second like, fucking, anytime i say some joke in chat she gives me some response like not engaging with it at all like what the fuck did i do, like, on some shit like “knock knock” “what are you talking about?” fuck offfff. Or like, I’ll be saying some shit and then she’ll pop into chat later to voice an opinion on some shit without context like i asked. Gotta contradict everything i fucking say even when it’s literally a joke who even fucking cares whatever it’s fine. Fuck me, i guess, whatever.
Third, she’s like unashamedly agp it pisses me the fuck off. But like it’s not even just that it’s also that she’s unashamedly and overtly and openly agp while also being a richshit white privileged ass passoid whose insurance pays for the type of surgerymaxxing shit i’ve never even heard of. While i’ll never be able to afford ffs she’s on her seventh fucking surgery paid for by the state. I fucking hate passoids, every fucking one of them, fucking evil agp post ffs+ba+liposuction skank why do good things only happen to the most insufferable people on this earth send them all to the passoid guillotine
obviously i’m just being an insufferable bitterhon and like hyperbole and all but like idk pisses me off whatever who cares
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haircut
Feb 9, 2026
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1 min read
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doing a check in ahead of time with my hair stylist and i feel like such a fucking chud. i have to take pictures of myself and my hideous agp curls, then i have to send references and it genuinely disgusts me. “I know I’m a hideous disgusting moid but please, oh please, would you make me look like this beautiful woman?”
it’s perverse. i’m implicating others in this fetish because otherwise i feel like fucking killing myself. doing anything that even marginally increases the quality of my life is to the detriment of everyone around me. like forcing people to pretend i’m a woman like i don’t just look like a faggot with long hair. it would probably be better for everyone if i just killed myself but i’m never going to do it because i’m selfish and my AGP is so deeply rooted and intwined with myself that i can’t ever get rid of it. i am an interloper, and i think i should be killed.
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i am not going to hurt myself
Feb 8, 2026
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2 min read
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i’m such a fucking retarded piece of shit i can’t fucking do anything right i’m such a fucking waste of space if i was any less lucky than to be boirn where i was and to the people i was i’d be dead a thousand fucking times over i can’t fucking do anything for myself i’ve never had a real job i can’t fucking follow instructions without them being spelled out step by fucking step i can’t go outside i can’t make friends i can’t even fucking follow a stupid fucking recipe to save my life and i can’t even mentally handle fucking up something stupid and inconsequential because i’m such a fucking fat disgusting retarded chud i really should kill myself but i’m not going to because i’m too afraid and i’ve promised people that i wouldn’t even though i’m just fucking wasting oxygen and eating up everyone’s fucking energy and it’s only a matter of time before i get kicked out and my boyfriend breaks up with me because they’ll all realize i’m never going to get better it’s just this or even worse forever and no matter what i do i’m genuinely fucking incapable of any meaningful change fuck this fuck everything i hate being a stupid fucking tranny i hate being alive
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fallout show season 2
Feb 4, 2026
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1 min read
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spent like 8 hours of my life watching todd howard fanfiction now all i can hear is mr house calling me an autogynephile and calling himself a based realitypilled loner alpha hrtrepper
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copemaxxing
Feb 4, 2026
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2 min read
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Recently I’ve been trying to gaslight myself into thinking I’m not AGP. I’m worried that if i don’t do this successfully, I’ll end up sabotaging my relationship with my boyfriend like what happened the last two times. Well. Those were different for a lot of reasons, but being agp and being weird about it and crying about it all the time certainly didn’t help. It wasn’t the biggest factor in either of those cases but again, not helpful. Things are going really well with my boyfriend rn despite everything, so i’m terrified thinking about when it’s all going to go wrong.
Anyways so I’ve been trying to gaslight myself into thinking i’m not AGP. I’ve been going slowly. I’ve stopped derrogatorily calling people woke when they gender me as female and recently I’ve been trying to avoid going out of my way to either gender myself as male or avoid gendering myself as a woman. It frankly feels kind of disgusting, because it feels like doing blackface almost. To claim that I am a woman (when obviously, I am not a woman and never will be despite what I wish was the case) is to claim that I understand what it means to be a woman, which I cannot. As a result my performance of womanhood is caricaturistic. In wanting to be a good partner to my boyfriend, I am reinforcing regressive stereotypes and attitudes about and towards women. To embrace this role is to embrace being a pawn of the patriarchy.
Recently I saw a post somewhere about how genuine transgender people are that way because of a sort of neurological intersex condition. That trans women, for example, are women because their brains are female brains. Effectively. I’m boiling down a lot of complicated science to the laymen’s takeaway i left with. This is cool and interesting but on a personal level doesn’t affect me at all because I am not a true transsexual. I am a perverted AGAMP man playing dress-up, and forcing everyone around me to play along. It is disgusting, perverse, and selfish.
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kinda feel like roping
Feb 4, 2026
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1 min read
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i’m not going to, i’m too existentially afraid of death to ever actually kill myself but rn i kinda feel like it more than i have in a good while. it’s always in the back of my head but it was recently brought to the forefront of my mind that i’m a worthless parasite. I’ve been working a fake job at a fake company for two months now and they haven’t paid me yet and i sorta doubt they ever will. i’m just sorta bleeding money and goodwill rn so i think it’s probably only a matter of time before everyone gets sick of me and idk. it can’t be this forever and i can’t imagine things really getting any better since every opportunity i’ve ever had has just spat in my face so i should probably start planning for the eventuality that i’ll get kicked out and be homeless. i don’t think that’s going to happen anytime soon either. Hopefully not, at least. idk. i’m very privileged, so i shouldn’t complain so much. i think i’m just kind of a uniquely worthless piece of shit, because if i was actually worth half a damn i’d be successful and happy. this is all my fault.
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website updates and game recommendations
Jan 22, 2026
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3 min read
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Website Updates
- I updated the shrines to be listed a bit better. I think it looks kinda cool idk.
- I also added an autogynephilia shrine. Or honestly idek if they count as shrines cause i’m not 100% sure on what a shrine is so they’re kinda more like articles for now but idk i’ll work on it.
Game Recommendations
All of these games are currently free or have a free demo, they are also not very intensive on a computer so you have no reason not to play them. You should play these games. They are so good.
of the Devil is a really good detective visual novel that plays like Phoenix Wright with gambling. It fucking rules. It’s in a really cool cyberpunk dystopia surveilance state setting and the characters are fun and the mysteries are really well written and it makes you feel smart and dumb at the same time in the best ways. There’s a reveal at the end of chapter 0 (which is free and is a few hours long) which made me audibly gasp it was so fucking cool this game is so fucking cool.
Citizen Sleeper is one of my favorite kinds of games: reading with occasional dice rolls. Or Citizen Sleeper is more so like dice rolls with occasional reading. It is the best videogame translation of ttrpg clockslop that i’ve personally played and it’s very good. You’re in a dying robot body in a shitty dystopian space station and it gets worse from there because you meet characters and they’re really compelling and interesting actually.
Mindwave is a warioware-like that fucking rules. It is visually very clearly inspired by Invader Zim among other things, the art is fantastic, the music is fantastic, the animation is fantastic, the writing is fun. So far only a demo is out on steam but that demo fucks so hard. The minigames are also formed from different characters’ subconscious and there’s a visual novel component where you get to meet some of the other competitors and talk to them and it’s really really really fun. The minigames are all designed with a mouse and keyboard in mind and I think they make use of that really well. It’s just a demo right now, it’s free, the story is like an hour tops, and there’s an endless mode with some extra minigames. It’s super fun.
one night, hot springs is a visual novel about a trans woman going to a hot springs with her friend and her friend’s friend for her friend’s birthday. It’s really short, it’s free, and it’s really really good. There’s not much more to say about it than that. You should play it
Awaria is the second game by the guy who made Helltaker. I never played helltaker but i saw this and the art style looked cool. Surprisingly though, the gameplay really steals the spotlight for me. It’s simple yet it gets all these extra layers that are introduced perfectly without ever really needing to explain any of the mechanics explicitly besides the very basics. It also features an ample amount of ghost women yuri. I’m not that into women personally so that aspect didn’t do much for me, but the writing is fairly funny, the art/animation is really well done, and it really cuts out all the fat games like this might tend to have. Play the first mission and you’ll understand what I mean. Overall the game is like an hour or so long on normal difficulty, doing normal and hard took me about five or so hours. So very short game, but very fun, plus beating the game on hard unlocks fun bonus content.