[v @ Sun Nov 16 2025 04:08:17 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: hello everynyan
[anonymousvoid @ Sun Nov 16 2025 20:49:51 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: hey, just wanted to send a message because i'm genuinely concerned for you. you're not the sole cause of all the problems in your life, but i think you are right to call out that you do cause problems for yourself, and it's important to accept that. the words you use to describe yourself and other trans people are genuinely off-putting, and that's one reason why it's hard for you to make friends.
[anonymousvoid @ Sun Nov 16 2025 20:49:57 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: you seem to get fixated on things very easily. i'm the same way. what i've found that helps me is to try fixating on new hobbies and combining them with my interests. make fan art, write about media you like, make little programs just for fun! when you focus on things that make you happy, it's easier to do work on the thoughts and emotions that hurt. 
[anonymousvoid @ Sun Nov 16 2025 20:50:03 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: also, you're not a disgusting agp fetishist. you just feel ashamed about sex. but sex is a normal, healthy thing to have, whether with a partner or with oneself. you don't need to feel proud about your body, but you do need to recognize it hurts to shame yourself over your body. you want to stop hurting. you keep hurting yourself. but you can do little things to heal yourself as well.
[v @ Sun Nov 16 2025 22:02:13 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: *[Replying to @anonymousvoid](/embed/index.html?chat=38780009&message=-OeDQaRZ84ZrFBFLMRqQ)*
don't worry i'm not going to rope or anything, i'm too afraid of nonexistence to ever actually act on anything
[v @ Sun Nov 16 2025 22:03:07 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: also idk i don't fully see the point in this kind of cope if all progress is immediately zeroed out anytime i look in a mirror or am otherwise made aware of my own existence
[anonymousvoid @ Mon Nov 17 2025 15:58:09 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: i mean... to cope literally means to deal with the hurt. if it hurts to look in the mirror, look into ways to cope with that. try to identify at least one thing you like about the way you look and focus on that. focus on both your face and your body. think about what you find attractive about the way other people look. surely as an "autogynephile" you'll find some overlap. you're attracted to trans bodies, and that's okay. trans bodies are attractive--not because they are special and unique and beautiful; not not because they are disgusting fetish objects--but trans bodies are attractive because they are human bodies.
[anonymousvoid @ Mon Nov 17 2025 16:02:52 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: also, i read your latest blog post and i have to say i'm genuinely sorry. i also grew up with one of my primary exposures to trans people being specifically trans women being treated as sex objects in fetish porn. it's not good representation, and i still struggle to find porn that doesn't make me hate myself. it just sucks.
[v @ Mon Nov 17 2025 18:08:47 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: There's thankfully no overlap between my body and the bodies I'm attracted to. Any similar features i like on others disgust me on myself. I'm agamp only in the sense that I get off on being a pitiful tranny, which is why I make myself miserable on purpose. I have nice eyes I guess.
[v @ Mon Nov 17 2025 18:19:51 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: Porn is horrible. Anytime I'm compelled to engage with it by the hormonal imbalances in my brain that feed my agp, I've come out of it either on the verge of sickness or in a near catatonic dissociative state. In either case I feel like a victim of my own disgusting body 
[v @ Mon Nov 17 2025 18:34:21 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: Sorry if I come off as dismissive, I see that you're genuinely trying to help and i appreciate that
[anonymousvoid @ Mon Nov 17 2025 19:36:36 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: that's fair, i neglected the idea that people can find features attractive on others, but dysphoric on themselves
[anonymousvoid @ Mon Nov 17 2025 19:42:48 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: i guess i'm curious: what does it mean to be a woman to you?
[anonymousvoid @ Mon Nov 17 2025 20:01:16 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: also, do you want to be a woman?
[v @ Mon Nov 17 2025 20:17:35 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: i'm not sure i can define what it means to be a woman accurately. I just know that it is not something i can ever be. Maybe it's something in the soul. I guess it's kind of a know it when you see (not necessarily literally based on any sort of perception) it kind of thing, and when I look in the mirror i see a man.
[v @ Mon Nov 17 2025 20:18:54 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: And yes, more than anything but that desire is based on autogynephilic perversion. It's inherently, as it's rooted in the desire to own and control a woman's body to fulfill one's own desires
[v @ Mon Nov 17 2025 20:19:38 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: inherently misogynistic*
[anonymousvoid @ Mon Nov 17 2025 20:28:04 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: you're missing a key point here: bodily autonomy. you own your body. you have autonomy over your own body. you deserve control over your own body. it wouldn't be misogynistic for you to be a woman because you would in no way be controlling another woman. you'd only be controlling yourself. and that's a good thing.
[v @ Mon Nov 17 2025 20:36:16 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: But it is misogynistic. I'm not a woman, I've made myself into a grotesque facsimile of one and esch time i go outside im parading around this effigy of sexist mockery. It's like how to conservative men who like femboys, it reinforced patriarchal paradigms of submission to a strong man by emphasizing that by having the person submitting being a weaker failure of masculinity. While I'm not actually controlling a woman, I'm reinforcing the misogynistic ideal of doing something by existing as a tranny
[v @ Mon Nov 17 2025 20:40:50 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: doing so*
[v @ Mon Nov 17 2025 20:45:30 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: Even this right now is exploitative and fetishistic bc I'm getting off on the hope that I'm proven wrong and I'm exploiting the undeserved empathy of strangers online to do so
[anonymousvoid @ Mon Nov 17 2025 20:46:19 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: oh holy shit. you are a person. you deserve empathy. i'm talking to you out of the kindness of my heart
[anonymousvoid @ Mon Nov 17 2025 20:54:52 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: listen, i can't prove you wrong about what it means to be a woman. gender is subjective. we all have our own sense of how well we conform to our own gender and how we choose to express it.
[anonymousvoid @ Mon Nov 17 2025 21:04:25 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: also, i'm sorry, but that bit about reinforcing patriarchy is profoundly retarded. i promise when you go outside, no one is thinking that. they just see another person.
[anonymousvoid @ Mon Nov 17 2025 21:05:56 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: maybe spend less time on /tttt/? i imagine you only think that because you surround yourself with retards, malicious actors, and other self-hating individuals
[v @ Mon Nov 17 2025 21:46:23 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: i don't go on /tttt/ anymore, all of these thoughts are my own. I don't have the ability to surround myself with anyone, at least not re: tranny bullshit. Everyone I know is generally nice but all of the people close to me are cissoids and thus are literally incapable of understanding all this on any meaningful level.
[v @ Mon Nov 17 2025 21:47:20 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: also i doesn't really matter what people are thinking or aren't thinking. What matters is the reality that I'm a perverted degenerate man playing dress-up. Passing or not doesn't change the immorality of it
[anonymousvoid @ Mon Nov 17 2025 21:53:05 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: what about that is immoral? where do you get your morals from?
[anonymousvoid @ Mon Nov 17 2025 21:54:18 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: and when i ask what about that is immoral (if there is anything immoral to begin with), i mean you need to demonstrate actual harm. not abstract philosophical ideas.
[v @ Mon Nov 17 2025 21:57:45 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: trans people are a vulnerable minority, and a fetishist claiming to be a real tranny causes harm to those subjected to his presence. It also creates an avenue of attack for people seeking to harm the community bc it creates an example people can point to to say it's all just a gross fetish even though it's just one person
[v @ Mon Nov 17 2025 21:57:53 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: also bad for optics if i ever detrans
[v @ Mon Nov 17 2025 21:59:30 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: also i disagree with the premise that something has to create tangible harm for it to be immoral. I think lying for no reason, even if it doesn't directly cause harm can be immoral
[anonymousvoid @ Mon Nov 17 2025 22:05:39 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: you are gender non-conforming. that makes you part of the minority.
[anonymousvoid @ Mon Nov 17 2025 22:07:51 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: conservatives already look at "real trannies" and call them fetishists. you don't stick out
[v @ Mon Nov 17 2025 22:09:46 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: Sure. But by even just expressing these thoughts to other people within the community I am making myself at the very least an inconvenience
[v @ Mon Nov 17 2025 22:12:25 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: also
>gender non-conforming

does this mean you agree i'm not a real woman (i.e. not conforming to the irrevocable true gender of man)?
[v @ Mon Nov 17 2025 22:12:37 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: ben-shapiro.jpg
[v @ Mon Nov 17 2025 22:13:02 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: sorry, i'm being defensive
[v @ Mon Nov 17 2025 22:13:24 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: i think i am fundamentally broken on a level that cannot be fixed
[anonymousvoid @ Mon Nov 17 2025 22:15:25 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: what i mean is you don't conform to the gender you were assigned at birth. you were told you're a man but you choose not to be one
[v @ Mon Nov 17 2025 22:20:49 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: it wasn't really much of a choice. Either indulge my agamp or rope
[anonymousvoid @ Mon Nov 17 2025 22:22:08 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: that doesn't invalidate my point. you still made the choice
[anonymousvoid @ Mon Nov 17 2025 22:22:42 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: do you want permission to be a woman?
[v @ Mon Nov 17 2025 22:23:39 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: it doesn't matter if i do or don't have permission, it's not something i can change
[anonymousvoid @ Mon Nov 17 2025 22:24:13 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: you're right about one of those things
[anonymousvoid @ Mon Nov 17 2025 22:24:29 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: it doesn't matter if you do or don't have permission
[v @ Mon Nov 17 2025 22:25:22 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: what are you getting out of this?
[anonymousvoid @ Mon Nov 17 2025 22:25:47 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: connection
[anonymousvoid @ Mon Nov 17 2025 22:26:38 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: so many other trans people i know have gone through the thoughts consuming your brain right now.
[anonymousvoid @ Mon Nov 17 2025 22:26:53 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: how do you think other people decide to transition?
[v @ Mon Nov 17 2025 22:27:30 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: i don't know
[anonymousvoid @ Mon Nov 17 2025 22:28:48 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: i think the most tell-tale sign is saying "i want to be a woman"
[anonymousvoid @ Mon Nov 17 2025 22:29:07 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: (or "i want to be a man" "i want to change my gender" etc.)
[anonymousvoid @ Mon Nov 17 2025 22:31:26 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: generally speaking, cis people like their own gender. cis people don't wish they were another gender. men like being men and women like being women. men want to continue being men and women want to continue being women.
[v @ Mon Nov 17 2025 22:33:12 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: wdym connection? Like do you just want to help me to feel good about yourself? I don't understand
[anonymousvoid @ Mon Nov 17 2025 22:43:49 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: sure. i find conversation fulfilling. i see that you're struggling with thoughts my friends had and ones that i've had. you're a stranger to me, but you're also a person to me.
[anonymousvoid @ Mon Nov 17 2025 22:45:21 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: this is something i've had to learn as well. people just want to support one another because they find it inherently fulfilling. even supporting strangers
[anonymousvoid @ Mon Nov 17 2025 22:53:58 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: you can just be a woman. there's no one stopping you but yourself.
[anonymousvoid @ Mon Nov 17 2025 22:55:24 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: as far as impressions go, you're already a woman to me. just a woman who keeps lying to herself.
[v @ Mon Nov 17 2025 22:57:44 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: thank you for talking with me
[v @ Mon Nov 17 2025 22:59:13 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: you said that you have friends. How? I don't mean that as a criticism of your character but just like how did you find friends
[v @ Mon Nov 17 2025 23:01:09 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: sorry that's a weird question
[anonymousvoid @ Mon Nov 17 2025 23:16:25 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: no, not at all! for my closest friends rn, admittedly it started with using dating apps, then meeting more people through the folks i matched with. besides apps, you can also try going to bars, game stores, or other places where people gather to socialize. in my experience, you're not gonna hit it off with most people to the point of becoming long-time friends, but you'll create opportunities to meet more people that you'll get along with
[v @ Mon Nov 17 2025 23:19:03 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: Do people actually socialize at game stores?
[anonymousvoid @ Mon Nov 17 2025 23:19:08 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: you wanna know a weird paradox? well, counter-intuitive fact. most people's friends have more friends than they do. there's some math behind this, but the takeaway is if you can meet one person, you can be introduced to a bunch more people
[anonymousvoid @ Mon Nov 17 2025 23:20:24 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: it depends on the game store. a lot of stores have tables laid out where people play card games, ttrpgs, or other table-top games. y'know, nerd shit
[anonymousvoid @ Mon Nov 17 2025 23:22:15 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: if you live in a small town, you may have to go further out of your way. but it doesn't have to be a major commitment to go all the time. you can go out once every week or two
[anonymousvoid @ Mon Nov 17 2025 23:26:03 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: and if you're nervous about going out to make friends, you can start with just going out to see what a place looks like without worrying about trying to socialize at all.
[v @ Mon Nov 17 2025 23:28:38 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: I'll look into it
[v @ Mon Nov 17 2025 23:28:43 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: Thank you
[v @ Mon Nov 17 2025 23:29:03 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: Sorry for being abrasive earlier
[anonymousvoid @ Mon Nov 17 2025 23:30:44 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: of course. i hope it goes well
[anonymousvoid @ Mon Nov 17 2025 23:41:22 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: just... try not to say anything hurtful on the topic of gender or queerness. it's okay to ask questions out of genuine curiosity. just don't assume or assert things about others. if someone doesn't want to answer questions, try to respect that. there are lots of other people who are happy to educate and share their experiences.
[v @ Mon Nov 17 2025 23:53:21 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: Don't worry, I don't make a habit of externalizing any of the shit i say here irl. Also I doubt I'll run into any queer people anyways
[anonymousvoid @ Mon Nov 17 2025 23:54:48 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: you'll be surprised. i call out game stores in part because they tend to be a hub for queer folks
[v @ Tue Nov 18 2025 00:04:47 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: I guess we'll see
[v @ Wed Nov 19 2025 06:57:39 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: *[Replying to @anonymousvoid](/embed/index.html?chat=38780009&message=-OeJ9-pnnjSr_20_tzS6)*
Idk if you'll see this, but on the off chance you do, can I ask you a question?
[anonymousvoid @ Wed Nov 19 2025 15:40:18 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: sure, hey, what's up?
[v @ Wed Nov 19 2025 17:09:24 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: Idk how to ask this without sounding weird but can I have your phone number or email or something? Talking with you felt really nice i think because I've never been able to talk about this stuff with anyone before. When you said that thing about connection it really resonated with me. Idk I understand if not
[v @ Wed Nov 19 2025 17:09:57 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: And thank you
[anonymousvoid @ Wed Nov 19 2025 17:59:22 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: um... maybe. i'll get back to you, likely over a whisper
[Anonymous#1205 @ Sat Dec 13 2025 21:07:00 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: Hope you are doing okay webmaster
[v @ Tue Dec 16 2025 00:07:24 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: I'm doing better, void has been helpful. I still can't talk about anything trans related out-loud without retching, but that's not a real problem. Really I'm just an attention whore
[ruinedgirl @ Wed Dec 24 2025 15:07:09 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: hoping that the last few days of 2025 are good to you, and that 2026 treats you well. also, if you can't afford therapy, it's honestly better to just do it yourself. draw or write or sing or do yoga or go to a pet store and look at cute animals or whatever makes you feel better. make it a daily thing. even if you can't love yourself, you still should be nice to yourself because it's common courtesy to treat humans properly.
[v @ Wed Dec 24 2025 19:31:40 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: i've been trying that as much as i can but i'm not getting any better, i can feel myself getting worse. it feels like an unworkable situation because doing extra stuff can only make me feel better up to a point because i can't even address the thorn in my chest. Thank you, though. I appreciate the kind words, and I hope the world treats you as kindly
[v @ Thu Dec 25 2025 21:51:42 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: merry christmas everynyan
[v @ Thu Jan 01 2026 03:12:24 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: Happy new year everynyan 
[ruinedgirl @ Thu Jan 08 2026 16:35:06 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: chattable back up i think so late happy christmas and new year
[v @ Fri Jan 09 2026 21:27:59 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: Wowee would you look at that it is
[v @ Fri Jan 09 2026 21:28:24 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: Also thank you ruinedgirl, i hope your holidays were good
[ruinedgirl @ Sun Jan 11 2026 00:55:22 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: wrote something for you but chattable wouldnt let me send a message that long and i'm too lazy to split it up so. heres the link: https://anotepad.com/notes/x7y6cdht
[v @ Mon Jan 12 2026 00:01:24 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: *[Replying to @ruinedgirl](/embed/index.html?chat=38780009&message=-OieYE6eQn1fxAYhsD0G)*
i figured it'd be rude to return a long message without something comparable: https://solittttude.neocities.org/posts/2026-1-11/
[ruinedgirl @ Mon Jan 12 2026 00:52:35 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: just read your post and i really don't think you should delete this site just because you believe that you're inflicting pain onto others or whatever.my sadness is mainly just brought on by me being a sentimental dickhead, so please don't worry about it. i'm not sure if i can really convince you that you're not a terrible person or that you're a woman or anything else, but i feel like you might benefit greatly from something like DBT (of which there are free handbooks available online). in my experience it's a good way to keep yourself in check for anything that you might actually be doing wrong without punishing yourself for perceived slights. and also because i think you're very set on specific trains of thought when in reality you'd be better off acknowledging that multiple things can be true at once. it's helped me a lot and i think it'd help you too. i just hope things start going your way soon. 
[v @ Mon Jan 12 2026 01:17:26 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: Do you have any specific recommendations?
[ruinedgirl @ Mon Jan 12 2026 01:37:14 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: i'm pretty sure everything my psychologist uses is by marsha linehan so i can only really recommend her work. i found a pdf of her handbook here https://static1.squarespace.com/static/577d2ce937c58194f7d39816/t/60c7e92fa3583448b8c6fa19/1623714139969/dbt_skills_training_handouts_and_worksheets_-_linehan_marsha_srg_.pdf . it's like over 400 pages of worksheets, i haven't been able to find individual pdfs for each section but a table of contents is included so hopefully that makes it a little more digestible
[ruinedgirl @ Mon Jan 12 2026 01:39:28 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: in particular the distress tolerance handouts have been helpful for me but definitely just start with the general handouts and go from there
[v @ Mon Jan 12 2026 01:45:58 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: Alright I'll try and see if it does anything
[ruinedgirl @ Mon Jan 12 2026 01:47:54 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: fingers crossed it works out
[ruinedgirl @ Mon Jan 12 2026 01:48:21 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: it's a lot so like. don't be mad at yourself if it's overwhelming or confusing at first 
[v @ Mon Jan 12 2026 01:49:59 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: We'll see
[ruinedgirl @ Mon Jan 12 2026 01:51:37 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: i'm going to be heading to bed in a few minutes so have a good rest of your day/night 👋👋
[ruinedgirl @ Mon Jan 12 2026 01:51:48 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: wish i could send a funny image to lighten the mood but alas. restricted to emojis
[v @ Mon Jan 12 2026 01:52:19 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: :pensive:
[v @ Mon Jan 12 2026 01:52:40 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)]: *[Replying to @ruinedgirl](/embed/index.html?chat=38780009&message=-OijtgofpqMP2Sc43AsW)*
You too